I opened Adium today upon returning this afternoon from a morning in town that was anything but planned.
I returned home last night after the physics-round-table a bit early as I was positively and throughly exhausted. Aikido training on Friday evening found all the Sensei in Strasbourg and three of us left on the tatami. We worked for a good hour suwari-waza shomein uchi ikkyo, nikyo and then sankyo… and went on to taking apart sankyo at all levels, something that i very much needed. This sankyo practice was accompanied by some serious stretching and my shoulders and arms are really feeling it, it is all nicely stretched to the limit. There is a bit of pain, but what feels good is that my shoulders are totally relaxed.
This morning I woke up around eight and then decided that I was going to the Karate dojo for kata practice. I have not been doing Karate for over eighteen months with any regularity, however lately I have started to miss it. The Karate dojo is just down the hill from where I live, while the Aikido dojo is across town, still… finding my way down the hill and around the corner seems more difficult than across town. Today was a day for walking down the hill, and at ten to nine I find myself in front of the dojo door and not a soul in sight. I called Maya and asked her as to what the story was. There was a special SSK training at ten in the gym in the Altenberg. That was easy, I went to the Landhaus and ordered a quiet corner and an herb tea, and figured if I was out and there was special training, then I might as well join the fun. I sat down with my own good company, made a few photos, and jotted down a few loose thoughts.
Oh my! It has been one week! Where do I begin?
Somewhere around Sunday evening in a conversation with Remo I found the one precious gem that I had been looking for a long, long time. I have been fairly speechless ever since. Speechless and calm, to say nothing of a bit overwhelmed with all that is on my plate right now. Writing schemata has taken priority over everything else, and sometimes the task does seem totally daunting, and other times… I just plain do not know.
Be it, as it may, I found myself today in a Karate training that was tailored to where I am right now. Doing both Aikido and Karate is always like learning two languages at the same time and it can only be enjoyable if you are interested in linguistics and willing to go beyond the little details and into the meta art behind all of that stuff called technique. Doing kihon surprised me, it seems that my body does not easily forget, however the bulk of the training was kumite. It was a very special kind of kumite and by the last exercise I was back into a mode that was more Aikido than Karate to me, but then that was what the Sensei was trying to show us. The time went by very quickly and I had a very good partner for kumite. The whole training was about maintaining attention, the martial spirit, and that there is really not much difference between attack and defense. I like this kind of lesson, focussing attention is what I am exercising these days not only in practice, but also in life. There is much to learn.
Then on Adium this one internet-only buddy says hi. This is somebody who has been on my buddy list for years, and whom I met in arabia.com, a long defunct website that had one of the best chat rooms around as the likes of yahoo chat rooms always bored me very quickly (but that is another story), and with whom I mostly keep in touch via offline messages. This goes on over a few years, and if nothing else, there is some sort of habit. All I know about this person is that he used to be in KSA and is now in India, but I have no certainty about anything concerning this person as we have never spoken or met; he claims to be a he, then that is how i refer to him. However he has been reading the blogs running under a pseudonyms and today he asked about what it is that I do. I have taken no measures whatsoever about keeping total anonymity of my real identity, so I just sent him a link to my linkeIn profile. After all, all that I have ever written under pseudonym has always been while very conscient that one day the question of identity would come to the table, and that I would have to be clear about my stand towards what I wrote under any byline.
Why this, why now? It so happens that on sunday I closed one of my blogs as its raison d’être had simply ceased to exist. It documents two years of my life from a very specific perspective, and those two years have been years when major transitions and transformations have been taking place in my life. I started to write those posts because I had a need to articulate what was going on in a public space while protecting some idea of privacy. I never set out to write anything autobiographical, but when I have looked at it now, that is exactly what it is… over 300 posts documenting a search, the search for me. I could not possibly have googled that one! I wrote it.
After my Adium buddy read my profile on lindedIn, he remarked “…oh, I thought that you were just another blogger!”
Uhm… I am just another blogger. Behind every blogger there is a whole person out there.
File this under “Incomplete Thoughts”.