I did spend the whole day writing like a furious maniac, except for the couple of hours that I opened up endo, looked at the headlines in the mass media, at a couple of blogs and twittered or did some jaiku thingy.
I had the one key conversation that after the one in Milano does put me on on a committed path towards one long sought after goal of mine. I will have the results of this sometime in June, and until then it is buckle down in stealth mode. I have been here before, I have done crazy things before, and this one is to me right along those lines. But this I do want, if I will get it is not for me to decide.
It was rather simple. Sometimes my life’s philosophy is one of rolling dice. I decide depending on how the dice fall. I asked these two colleagues of mine, one in academia and another in government, the same question – actually made a request – and both gave me answers that surpassed my expectations. The dice have fallen, I had made a deal with myself. If these two said yes, then I have ran out of excuses, there is no more thinking about it, there is just action. Loosen up the brakes, go for it! Sink or swim. Make it happen!
“If you are going to try, go all the way”
Factotum, Charles Bukowski
The novel schemata is still giving me much wringing with my self, but then this is the nature of the beast anyhow. If I do not like this, I can always give up. I am persistent and tenacious, but when I see that a cause is lost, I do give up. I have thrown the towel in a few times when observers least expected it as they thought that they knew about my tenacity (or stubbornness). Do not bank on that one of me not giving up, I am not afraid to die, i just dislike certain kinds of pain. I know which kinds, you do not.
I am sick and tired of all the music in my iTunes, and my music supplier and good friend Remo is as hard to get a hold of as a few other people dear to me. I am stranded without new music while he is fending off major legal wars all in the commercial cause of swiss industry. It is not all Remo’s busyness, it is also that when he had time, I did not. We do wonder out loud sometimes if all our lives will be like this bit of wrestling between our schedules and our wants. We tether on to schedules, dreams and wants, and then wonder what freedom is. Duh.
I have had miso soup for the last couple of days, it is perhaps time that I consider other dietary options. I love miso soup, and it is one of the best things that I can eat now. Miso soup and roughage are good, so vegetables and fruits ought to also be in. Oh! Mireille will love me next week! Mireille has this little charming quaint Auberge in Labaroche and that is where most of us eat during the Spring Course; she cooks very well, and by now she is used to accommodating my special dietary requirements to the point that I always feel very spoiled.
I am a bit apprehensive about Labaroche this year. Had a short chat with Gabriel today about it and we did what we could only do about my situation, we laughed.
Oh yes, these antibiotics are kicking my ass, am I am not enjoying any of this. Worse, all these freaking drugs make me dizzy. On the positive side my belly is starting to feel like my belly again and that means that the drugs are doing their job. Now I will just have to deal with the fact that broadband antibiotics do wipe out one’s intestinal and vaginal flora.