It is time to pass review of what is an year about to… expire. It was 2010, and it was a very round year. I will keep the tradition of passing review on the men in my life. But first let me tell you about men. We are all men. Really! I am tired of the division and the construct of gender!
Somewhen in January of 2010 I started a new notebook that came from Italy. As my first penned entry:
I am not alone, I feel alone. There is a difference. It’s time to deal with the difference.
That, unknowingly turned out to be the motto for the year. I should be careful with what I write down, it creates a reality which I can not escape.
Let me give you a few of the highlights of the past year…
The Summer was great. The son spend eight weeks in Switzerland, and half of those we drove each other up a wall. It was the best of times. He struggled with his crap and I with mine. We always find each other when we discuss science or philosophy. I have great memories and have drawn loads of inspiration from a visitor now living in Australia, an American without the accent, and one of the brightest minds I have ever encountered.
This same summer, once I casually complemented a student on her very cool flip flops. Before I knew it, she brought me back some from her home country. Now I am the proud owner of a pair of Ugandan flip flops. I am challenged beyond imagination as I am more for boots, but I love those flip flops too. More recently I had an engaging discussion with this generous creature, and it has made me write down some wild ideas that I had not yet bothered to commit to paper (or word-processor). I started writing a paper on that, and after I jotted down the main outline of the idea, got back to all the other items pending. Soon, I will be able to return to the writing of that paper. Inshallah!
The men, where are the male men in my life? Besides the son who is back in Los Angeles, there are the good friends in Paris, Bern, and a few other places. However in November I had the pleasure of a very special visitor in Bern, my little cousin. There is nothing little about this cousin, but given that he is the younger one of the two brothers who are like my own brothers, he is the little one. We share one grandfather. I complained that I would not get to see him at the end of the year, he decided to visit. He and I arrived at the train station in Bern on the same day an hour apart. The next days were spent in family heaven. Together we made a train round trip of Switzerland in one day, but I could not bear the thought of once more going up to Jungfrauhoch and sent him off alone on that one. Together we plotted touring on a motorbike, we drew plans, and he cleaned my Ferrari. Oh, it is a real Ferrari 355 GTS, a model one, red as it should be.
The low point of the year was a saturday in February. I was up in Greifswald (Germany) with one free day to be a tourist, some fun people around, and a hike planned. The only problem was that I could barely walk. I can only guess that during the week I had overdone it, and my body decided that it is not up to such nonsense. Besides my left shoulder giving me hell, I had a rare but painfully nasty case of lumbago. It hurt so much on the left side of me that I could not even feel sorry for myself. I concentrated my efforts on a good lunch, wobbled, and succeed. The next day, before I reached Berlin, the lumbago was gone. The shoulder took a bit longer to get fixed.
This Autumn brought a sobering moment when one of the men in my life visited after he had kept away for the whole time during the summer. Strange was that he showed up when in a creative throw of passion I declared that if I was not such a coward, I would jump off the next bridge. He was concerned. He has stuck through my moods, my crazy liaisons and affairs, when I need him, he materializes. Devotion is hard to accept, he has demonstrated it. I struggle stupefied. He arrived, sat down, and I let out more than a bit of steam, tears, and laughed at myself before asking why he had had surgery. Cancer. I was touched. Deeply. I felt insensitive. However my feelings are not too much of a good guide for anything. Damn! We do take life for granted, but it can be over so quickly! He is alright and the prognosis is encouraging, he is back to playing games with me and not taking life too seriously. I like his games, they do not bore me.
Another glorious moment happened just two days before Christmas when a friend calls about last minute plans. This friend was in a chatty mood, and I was willing to part with a bit of personal information. We talked about one of my liasons that I have, in moments of human frailty, thought to be my nemesis. A sweet nemesis and one of my treasured sources of inspiration. I updated, and I laughed. Really laughed. At some point I got bored with the games, and most adamantly, with unqualified arrogance and egoism stuck to my own priorities. Once in a while I trip, and get seduced by his games. Recovery comes quickly, and all is forgiven when I look at what the result is, fiction. Without the tripping over and the imminent loss of equilibrium I would not appreciate the fact that I regain equilibrium. Emotions are jewels. Like jewels they need craft before they can shine in all glory. It was good to laugh at myself and how I trip, or how very frail and on the edge of equilibrium we all are. We all love to play games, and we all like to know the rules better than the other. We all want to win. We get bored when the rules of the game are too transparent, don’t we?
It was the year that reinforced my convictions that gender fragmentation needs a good reform. I also discovered a bit of the literature on gender economics. I also saw myself pleading in favour of gender considerations in disciplines that at first glance seem to have no direct connection. Of all my intellectual adventures, this one I had not anticipated. That is good. These are the games I play with myself. I need the challenge. Odd, but it is so.
On another note, when I started the public notes on quantum symbionts (uncondition), I jotted down my intentions:
What this will evolve to, I really do not know. My intent is to, in due time, to write… on specific subjects which I have chosen as the substance of my life, and in particular what sustainable innovation and technology might be about.
To begin with, sustainable innovation and technology has to do with intellectual assets leadership development. In this series here, my intent is to convey both what this means to me and to the society, in particular to the community in which I am active.
It is good to be living the dream. It is good to not be alone. Thank you all for sharing the dream. The title of my 2010 Italian notebook is Quick Snow.