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Power Remittance

Achilles: Is it tears that I see in your eyes?

Tortoise: I would have killed you long ago, if only I could live without you.

Achilles: Is it tears that I see in your eyes?

Tortoise: Tears? Remember that I danced the night away just to escape your insanity…

Achilles: You have changed. I can’t keep up with you. I see tears, and I see your fire burning hotter than ever, I see you. You can’t hide from me. You can fool them all, you can’t fool me. You, absolute fool!

Tortoise: When was the last time that you loved me? When have you ever loved me?

Achilles: My love for you has given you the life of that wonderful arrogant diva that I see crying now. You remain untouchable and unpenetrated. You are so transparent and fragile, you are ether now. Where are you?

Tortoise: I will transcend tears to laughter. I will inflict the pain of ecstasy and I will be as I am.

Achilles: There is no pain.

Tortoise: There is no laughter.

Achilles: Flying high you are! And to think that I love no other…

Tortoise: I know. I do not want to feel it.

Mechanics of Denial: Seduction of Attachment

I am throughly drenched in having my body back and pounded soft on the tatami releasing whatever it is that gets released in such concentrated efforts. The weekend was once more fantastic, not better than others, not worse, it cannot be compared. It is Tuesday already.

Sunday before leaving Chris Mooney Sensei gave me a hug and told me to take care of myself. I answered in kind. Somehow we both remember our first conversations a few years back when I first started Aikido. Now I wonder what happened between then and now and how we got to where we are. Yesterday I felt like I had discovered totally new aspects of Aikido and wondered if it was Aikido that had changed or I, or possibly both, and that the question was possibly totally irrelevant.

A few months ago I had planned to have taken a test this weekend. At Easter I got sick, and then reboot 9.0 and being in Copenhagen for a few days took its toll on my training time. When I returned from Copenhagen last week, it was evident that I was not ready for testing. Barbara Sensei and I exchanged a few words on the matter and offered her wisdom while I observed how my big and ever more docile ego would have loved to be tested. I did test this ego of mine, I took it gently and had it meditate on the insignificance of rank.

This past weekend had all the flavour of the experience of going beyond one’s limits. Still, I must confess to have been on both sides of my limits. In some things I was well contained within those limits, and in others I reached out an entered new ground.

For the brave ones, below the fold, you will find a long post on what it was like to be back on the tatami and what is currently on my mind.

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